Helping Your 20-Something Daughter Navigate Transition

Moms of girls can have it pretty rough. There’s the awkward tween years, the drama-filled teens, and the inevitable friction between what you want for your daughter and what they insist is good for them (even when you know it’s not). Most moms think that once their daughter is grown and out of the house, it all becomes easier. Unfortunately, this isn’t always the case.
 
Some moms find that interacting a daughter who has entered her 20s is more difficult than parenting one who is still growing up. Maybe you’ve noticed she seems unhappy but can’t quite figure out what’s going on with her. Perhaps she doesn’t seem like herself anymore. If she’s out on her own, you probably don’t see her as much as you used to and it can be difficult to know what’s going on in her life. If you suspect she’s not coping well with life, you probably don’t know how to help as you can’t just make doctor’s appointment for her like you did when she was younger.
 
Remember when you were in your 20s? It can be a tough time. With so many life transitions occurring in this decade, many young women experience anxiety and/or depression as a result. I’ve created this list as a guide to assist mothers in helping their 20-something daughters struggling through this time.
 
To help your daughter:
 

1. Acknowledge the many options available to your daughter in her 20s. While she may have more opportunities available to her than you did, sometimes the overwhelming options lead to fear of making the wrong choice. Rather than reminding your daughter she’s lucky she has so many options, acknowledge how overwhelming making a decision can be. This great video explains the paradox of choice and how too many options can actually make life less satisfying.
2. Be Present It can be easy to slip back into stories about your own life in your 20s or to unknowingly pressure your daughter to live the life you wish you had. During an already difficult time, this added pressure can become frustrating and lead to your daughter closing herself off from you. Although it can be difficult, the best way to support your daughter is to stay in the moment with her. Remember she has to live her life on her own terms and comparisons to others or yourself at her age won’t help her navigate her own journey.
3. Suspend Judgment No one wants their children to make the same mistakes they have throughout their lives. However, no matter how much we try to prevent our children from the pain of making their own mistakes, we have to let go. We have to suspend judgment about the decisions they are making that we may have made differently had we known better. We each have our own lives to live, our own paths to walk, and our own Learning Experiences along the way.  What you may view as a mistake may actually lead your daughter exactly where she needs to go for her next step.  If she feels you are judging all her choices along the way, she will stop sharing her next step with you. Of course, there is always the caveat of intervening if you know that the choice your daughter is about to make will put her in danger.
4. Encourage Support You’ve been your daughter’s primary support for her life until adulthood. Now, as she is searching to find her way in the world, she is increasingly relying on others for their thoughts and opinions. This can feel threatening to some mothers, but it is essential to encourage your daughter to create her own tribe.
5. Refer The numbers don’t lie. Women are more likely than men to experience anxiety and depression. Further, we know that young adults and people going through life transitions are at an increased risk for anxiety and depression. Although strong relationships and support systems can help to buffer this, sometimes a person needs professional help. If you believe your daughter is continuing to struggle with signs of anxiety and depression even after getting support from you and her tribe, it may be time to encourage her to reach out for professional therapy services.

 
If you believe your daughter may be experiencing anxiety or depression, please feel free to have her contact me to arrange for a therapy session.